Just a few more days left for your opportunity to vote for the smartest candidate to ever run for congress, senate, governor and mayor all at the same time. And when I win, I’s going to be even more legendary than I already is. If that’s even possible.
Here’s a fun fact, when I win the election for governor, it’s called the Gubernatorial election. Gubernatorial. That’s a real word, son. I didn’t make it up, even if it sounds like I did. Gubernatorial. I’s going to be sayin’ that all day now.
Now remember, I was a little late filling out the forms for all the stuff I’m running for. So you’re going to have to write me in on your ballot. Just scratch out all the names of the boneheads what’s running against me, and write in, “Bandit!” If you really want me to win, and I know you do, put lots of them explanation marks behind it. Doesn’t count as more votes but it makes your choice that much clearer to the ones counting the ballots. So write in, “Bandit!!!!!!!” just to be safe.
So don’t forget to exercise your franchise. When I first heard that phrase, I thought it was dirty. Turns out it’s just politician talk for “vote.” Tuesday or Wednesday, I think. I don’t know. Look it up if yer not sure. I shouldn’t have to do all the work for you! Send me to Warshington where I can be in charge of everything and fix what’s wrong with our country. Here’s a hint: What’s wrong with out country is that I’m not the boss. Yet!