Listen. I don’t give a damselfly what religion y’are. The important thing about the holidays is makin’ sure you take the time out to call Ol’ Bandit fer heating system repair. I cain’t says I’s the fastest. But I is the cheapest. And the best. How do you know the cheapest is the best? Because the best is always the cheapest! Which begs the question of course. But I don’t have time to explain circular reasoning to y’all.
Plus, I’m not just the cheapest and the best, I’s also the handiest guy to have around because unlike some people, I specialize in everything! Sure, people call Bandit Air for my Heating & AC abilities. But I can also help with puttin’ up yer Christmas lights, roastin’ yer chestnuts, or cleaning out the chimney so Old Man Claus doesn’t git all dirty coming down to get his cookies.
Having said all that, don’t call from the 24th to the 28th because I’m takin’ so time off. I’m also unavailable during Hanukkah, as Todd likes to have me over to celebrate with his family. He’s super-proud to call me his friend. And don’t get me started about the New Year thing. I’m out of commission from around noon on the 31th to about the middle of the following week. Not sure who you should call when I’m busy, but you might ask google.
I likes to celebrate in a big way, if ya catch my drift.
Anyhoo, as long as yer problem is convenient for me, and nice and expensive, I’m happy to look after ya. My answering machine in on 24 hours a day to serve you with a soothing pre-recorded message that’s sure to make you feel better about whatever’s gone wrong. And you can rest assured I’ll get to you when I get to you.
Happy Holidays from all of us at Bandit Air. It’s just me, but I say “us” to be more inclusive.